Nikon issues pre-emptive recalls for both D5 and D500. Please return yours for service, in advance

Mar 5, 2016

Kirk Tuck

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Nikon issues pre-emptive recalls for both D5 and D500. Please return yours for service, in advance

Mar 5, 2016

Kirk Tuck

We love it when our readers get in touch with us to share their stories. This article was contributed to DIYP by a member of our community. If you would like to contribute an article, please contact us here.

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D500-1

Tokyo, Japan. March 4, 2016 
For Immediate release:

“Steve” Mikimoto of Nikon’s professional imaging division announced this week that Nikon will be preemptively recalling both the D500 and D5 cameras nearly a month before their actual scheduled release. While neither camera has evinced any technical problems to date the company wishes to prevent another episode such as the “oil and garbage” on the sensors of recent product, the D600; and also the repeated and inconvenient recalls of the popular D750 cameras, with their sensor shading lens mounts.

“We made the decision to preemptively recall most of our professional products in order to maintain our high standards.” Claims “Steve”. 

He continued, “While our engineers have found no flaws in either design or manufacturing of the newest products we are certain that our customers will spend every waking minute of every day until they find some sort of minor flaw as regards our latest cameras. We fully intend to actually test and use these new cameras ourselves before unleashing them on the public. To this end we are shipping and then subsequently recalling the cameras in order to be authentically present in the process.”

We may actually put the newest two cameras; the D500 and D5, on to what we now call our “permanent recall list” in order to be prepared for the eventual rush of repairs for things like “nano battery cover texturing failure” and “perceived shutter button torsional flex.” 

Asked for the logic in these steps “Steve” went on to say that having products on permanent recall was an important part of the training process for the legion of customer service call center employees, teaching them to repeat, in dozens of languages,  the following phrases: “This is the first we have heard of such issue!” “It sounds like drop damage to me!” “We’ll need you to send in the body and all your lenses so that we may evaluate your claim.” “Water damage is not covered by our warranty.” “Usage is not covered by our warranty.” “Ownership is not covered by our warranty.”  And our favorite:
“Your camera meets all our specifications and tolerances.” 

Since the cameras will be in permanent recall dealers and customers will not be able to actually buy these new models and are waiting anxiously for the announcement of Nikon’s even newer line, the D510 and the D5mk10. These models are being readied but will be in short supply because the models intended for shipping to countries with strong consumer protection laws are already slated for some sort of …… recall. 

For more information please visit our micro website: nikoneternalrecall.com

Well, I’ll admit I was a little surprised by this move by Nikon. I own several D750s and I have not been able to replicate the issues that have plagued that model but this announcement will motivate me to test every camera I own under ever more rigorous conditions in the hopes that I too will be able to participate in another recall. I have found that yanking the sensor out of the camera and letting it sit on the sidewalk in bright sun for hours has a deleterious effect on its performance. That, and it’s hard to stick back into the body — which I now consider a critical design flaw….

About The Author

Kirk Tuck is a commercial photographer based in Austin, Texas. Kirk has been taking photographs for international clients for two decades, and is the author and photographer of 4 photo books. His next book about LED Lighting for Photographers will be published this Fall. You can get more Kirk on his excellent blog – The Visual Science Lab and on kirktuck.com. This article was also published here and shared with permission.

P.S. [editor’s note: this is of course totally fake]

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44 responses to “Nikon issues pre-emptive recalls for both D5 and D500. Please return yours for service, in advance”

  1. Doug Mitchell Avatar
    Doug Mitchell

    Satire people – DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY

  2. Danny Max Avatar
    Danny Max

    lol very funny

  3. Ed Cheong Avatar
    Ed Cheong

    Nikon has also changed its name to Rekon. ..

    1. Gotta Love DIY Avatar
      Gotta Love DIY

      Sweet info thanks

  4. Bogdan Dobre Avatar
    Bogdan Dobre

    You people do realize this satire, right?

    1. Gotta Love DIY Avatar
      Gotta Love DIY

      totally

  5. FELIDAE Avatar
    FELIDAE

    NO WAY

  6. Najib Saer Avatar
    Najib Saer

    This is how false rumours spread. Not cool.

  7. Michael Goolsby Avatar
    Michael Goolsby

    I thought satire generally involved humor.

  8. Jose Aucet Pineda Avatar
    Jose Aucet Pineda

    Canon FTW

  9. Chris Ziemann Avatar
    Chris Ziemann

    Dont own one of those, I’m not worried

  10. Jake Kurdsjuk Avatar
    Jake Kurdsjuk

    Utter crap. Worth an unfollow.

  11. Florian Potrykus Avatar
    Florian Potrykus

    LOL – too funny how people take this for real :D

  12. Sawlihim's Photostream Avatar
    Sawlihim’s Photostream

    thats good…. recall will make it better…. shoul be

  13. Alexandre Banda Avatar
    Alexandre Banda

    babaaay Nikon, Hello Fuji babe

  14. foto2021 Avatar
    foto2021

    Is there no end to recalls of Nikom DSLRs?

  15. Alexander Müller Avatar
    Alexander Müller
  16. Standard Avatar
    Standard

    Dumb post. Nothing to do with diyphotography. It made me realize how bad your site has gotten recently. Unsubscribed.

    1. Dave Kai Piper Avatar
      Dave Kai Piper

      I think that is a pretty important notice to share !!!

    2. Daniel Shortt Avatar
      Daniel Shortt

      Did it hurt when you broken your sense of humor? Maybe you should go back to your mother and ask her to fix it, clearly you have a design flaw.

      Life is short, have a laugh from time to time!!

      1. Rick Bogan Avatar
        Rick Bogan

        I found this a pretty lame excuse for humor. Not even OK satire.

    3. Vertex Avatar
      Vertex

      who cares what you do?

  17. Aaron M Grubb Avatar
    Aaron M Grubb

    Haha…. I thought they learned their lesson

    1. Andrew Sible Avatar
      Andrew Sible

      …..

  18. Daniel Shortt Avatar
    Daniel Shortt

    Wow, some seriously butt hurt people who can’t take a joke in the comments.
    I fucking own a D600 and a 750 and I’m still laughing, FFS people!

  19. Mauricio García P Avatar
    Mauricio García P

    DIYPhotography content keeps getting worse with every article they post…. guess they have nothing worthwhile to publish and decided to move up an April’s Fool article.

  20. Benoit Robillard Avatar
    Benoit Robillard

    That’s why I shoot PENTAX. Nobody ever mentions them nor their recalls! :D

  21. TheInconvenientRuth Avatar
    TheInconvenientRuth

    I guess Kirk Tuck is getting a bit salty now that his cateracts are forcing him out of buisiness. Can’t blame him, really, but this is not the way to deal with it, Kirk…

  22. Balivernes Avatar
    Balivernes

    Excellent!

  23. Vertex Avatar
    Vertex

    LOL… Nikon.. I AM RECALLED.

  24. Gotta Love DIY Avatar
    Gotta Love DIY

    Thanks:D

  25. Julio Hnntl Avatar
    Julio Hnntl

    David, i told you, nikon is not so good ;)

  26. Bill McKenzie Avatar
    Bill McKenzie

    And the point of this article is ???

  27. Harry Simon Avatar
    Harry Simon

    H O A X !!!!!!

  28. Anid Avatar
    Anid

    I am a beginner photographer not yet committed to any specific style of photography. Which camera model would u recommend?Tx

  29. Alex Avatar
    Alex

    Why would you waste your time bashing a company like this for actually recalling products when they aren’t working 100%, at least they had the balls to do it when they needed too. Would you prefer they don’t recall products when they realize there is an issue?

    1. Khufu Avatar
      Khufu

      Dude, China had to BAN the d600 from sale because Nikon were trying to push a product that didn’t even meet THEIR standards! The d610 was NOT a planned product replacement out of the kindness of Nikon’s heart… They’ve gained a reputation for selling untested, low quality products, hence articles like this! :)

  30. Photography Guy Avatar
    Photography Guy

    EPIC LAME POST

  31. Lyle Avatar
    Lyle

    Total click bait bullshit.

  32. Douglass Avatar
    Douglass

    BS!

  33. The Warlock Avatar
    The Warlock

    “perceived shutter button torsional flex.” Genius! Fun stuff

  34. Alan Avatar
    Alan

    This was the top link that showed up when I used the search string, “nikon d500 problems” and I wasted several minutes reading this. One of the comments even indicates that they thought this was real. A lot of people won’t read the entire article, hence won’t see the editor’s note at the end stating that the article is false. Either this author doesn’t respect his readership, or he is purposefully trying to malign the cameras in question knowing that the majority of people scan articles and don’t always see the fine print, but still retains plausible deniability because it was all done under the auspices of a prank. It saddens me that seo (search engine optimization) techniques have been wasted to get a patently false article listed in the top spot for a topic that will engender a lot of interest in the coming months. Sorry, but it’s just not funny..

  35. D.j. Sumanik Avatar
    D.j. Sumanik

    Who gives a shit, the D500 is a ripoff anyways. D7200 has more reach, is sharper and less noisy once you downsample to match the D500’s 20.9 MP. You can also get a sigma 150-600 + D7200 for less than the cost of a D500 alone. Only real advantage the D500 has is the touch screen, and slightly better shadow recovery. The D500 also uses SLOW bluetooth transfer speed, D7200 transfers to smartphone 20x faster. D500 is also missing flash and AF assist lamp, and still has no GPS in 2016. Fail.