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Pinky Swear Me You’ll Stop

by 13 Comments

Missy_Mwac_Pinky1

“My husband said I could…”
“My husband is letting me…”

Do me a favor. If you are a female photographer with a business, type out those sentences. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Did you do it? Good.

Now NEVER do it again. Pinky-swear me.

I know husbands and wives consult on finances. I know this. Many of us have budgets and when we make a large purchase, we discuss it together prior to coming to a decision. Heck, if my DH made a huge purchase without discussing it with me first, I’d have kittens. All over the floor. It would be a mess.

And, when a mutual decision is made that we’re excited about, we like to share it. Totally understandable.

But please, dear girlfriends with businesses, for the love of all that is “professional businesswoman,” please, if you have a photography business, do not preface a statement about a photography purchase with the words: “My husband said I can…” or “My husband is letting me…” 

For instance: “My husband said I can upgrade my camera,”
or
“My husband is letting me add to my lens collection.”

(I just typed those sentences and got hives.)

When you preface a statement that way, it gives the impression that your business is just this “cute little thing your husband lets you do.” Now, if that is the case, then no problem–carry on.  But, if you want to be taken seriously, then you need to make sure your business is perceived as serious.  Makes sense, right?

Think about it…we don’t see that kind of admission attached to other female-owned businesses. I can’t recall ever reading a post that said:

“So excited! My husband said I could buy a new desk for my law office!”


“Over the moon right now-talked it over with the hubby and he said I could upgrade the stove in my restaurant!”

“I have the best husband in the world! He’s letting me update the waiting area in my salon!”

Discuss it. Talk it over. Make the purchase and share the excitement, but please leave out the words:

“My husband said I could…”
“My husband is letting me…”

Please. I beg of you. My semi-feminist heart can’t take it. xoxo

About the Author

Lynn Cartia (AKA Missy Mwac) is a photographer/eater of bacon/drinker of vodka and a guide through the murky waters of professional photography. You can follow her social media links here: Facebook, Tumblr. This article was originally published here and shared with permission.

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  • This is good advice for just every day mundane situations as well. Just because you get married doesn’t mean you become a drooling, babbling idiot requiring constant supervision.

  • I never did understand why this was a common phrase. So childish to say anyone ‘lets’ you do anything.

  • Danielle W. Lundberg

    “Semi-feminist”? What does that mean? You only want to be equal sometimes? Feminism is about equal rights. If someone is a feminist, they believe woman should make the same amount of money as men, that they are equal to men, that they can do what men can do. Nothing more. Own that feminism, don’t hide behind the “semi.”

    • TByte

      Women already do make the same amount of money as men. If someone is a feminist, they simply claim that women don’t make the same amount of money as men, despite all the statistics to the contrary.

      Nobody portrays women as victims more effectively and persistently than feminists do.

  • Kay O. Sweaver

    Male photographers say the same thing all the time. I work in a photography store and I get the “I have to ask the wife/boss first.” line all the time when selling gear. I’ve seen it on websites and blogs too.

    I understand what the the author is saying here, I agree, a woman who runs her own business shouldn’t have to preface things with “my husband let me.” Since women are still lagging behind men in terms of perception of ability and opportunities there’s definitely some validity to this, but its easy to overstate it. Don’t tell other women what they should or shouldn’t say, they’re every bit as capable of choosing how to present themselves as men.

    • Ralph Hightower

      I’m a photography enthusiast, so photography is not my source of income. But I consult with my wife about purchases. July 2013, my wife and I were traveling back home from a trip and I mentioned that KEH had a used Canon F-1N kit for sale.She asked “That’s the flagship model?” and I answered “for the 80’s”. She said “get it.” December 2013, she’s on the computer and she asks “What do you think about this?” It was a Canon 5D Mk III kit with 24-105 F4L lens on Amazon. I said “Let me check B&H.” I found a similar package for $500 less.

  • Somebody’s a little too sensitive.

  • Jeff Deveau

    This pointless article gave me hives… If a woman respects her husband enough to include him on the decision it should be commended not condemned and the same goes the other way around for husbands respecting their wives. People share finances all the time. maybe it offends you that people rely on and care for others enough to include them. But telling others to not do so is ridiculous and pushing your ludicrous ideas about how women should disregard their spouses when making decisions through a photography blog probably is not the best outlet for your propoganda..

    • TURNERO

      If someone is saying that it sounds like there might be a deeper issue in their marriage.

  • is it Ok to say “my wife lets me” :-)

  • Jodie Holstein Otte

    Well, from the defensive comments, it’s evident that so many do not run real legitimate businesses…. the kind where there are things called sales revenue, capital, owner’s equity, business expenses, and the like…… cause those things don’t involve “My spouse let me……” SOOOOOO glad I’m back in the professional world after years of operating commercial studios…..

    Women wonder why they don’t get paid as much as men in the business world…. it’s because they tend to operate their businesses with emotion…… not that men aren’t guilty of that too at times, but it seems very prevalent among females…..

  • photogeek

    The article is not saying that a woman should never ask her husband for his opinion. The problem lies in the “let me” part. My husband is many wonderful things but a photographer and a business man is not his gig… It’s mine. I understand my business and my profession better than he does and, while I care what he thinks, I am not asking for his permission.
    Not to mention that the money for said purchase is coming out of the business revenue… not his pocket.

  • TByte

    First, the gender-bias of this article is not only out-dated, but also offensive.
    Second, if the photography is being run as a business then it should have its own expense budget and its own income, and if outside investment from family funds is necessary then that SHOULD be a topic for agreement with one’s partner.
    Regardless of gender.

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