While we are covering photokina 2016, looks like Pratik Naik has got some scoops which may or may not be true.
In a shocking move that came unexpected to the industry, former Apple CEO has agreed to join Adobe this morning at Photokina.
The move startled tech insiders. “It made sense to no one,” one senior analyst reported with an utterly confused look. Fittingly in Apple fashion, an ever growing lackluster keynote followed on the Adobe stage at Photokina.
Initial reports clarified his position would specifically be to innovate Photoshop. It started very bizarre, with an announcement of a special Mario edition, followed by a performance by Lady Gaga juggling a 6 foot Wacom stylus in Cirque Du Soleil fashion.
The lights dimmed as the afternoon progressed and Tim rose from the middle of the stage through a haze of mist and just glared at the audience as they clapped for 10 full uninterrupted minutes while chanting “innovation!” and “courage!” over and over again.
“I realized our vision at Apple was so great, that we couldn’t stop there. We had to spread our strategies to the other companies.”
The keynote earlier this afternoon brought forward plans Cook had for Photoshop in particular.
“This year, we’re going to make Photoshop great again. First, we’re releasing the all new Photoshop C. We’re dropping the extra C, two is unnecessarily redundant.”
You could already hear the footsteps of people running to wait in line for the release, which was strange, considering you just need to download it.
A logo appeared on the screen. The C now stood for Photoshop Cook. Tim’s pride and joy.
“Next, we’re getting rid of the healing brush!”
“Because screw you” he muttered under his breath.
“Our vision is minimalism. Instead of the brush tool, clone stamp, patch tool, spot healing brush, and healing brush, we’ve simplified it into one collective brush tool. Introducing, Brush by Dre. A new tool that does it all, but less effectively.”
Responses on the Internet came in faster than your friends posts about Brangelina’s breakup, “I always thought I liked the healing brush, but Cook really tells you what you should actually like. Life is easier this way.”
Another response came in with unwavering support, “I thought I needed it last year, but it makes sense to get rid of it. Innovation and courage is always about removing things you thought you needed. Does anyone even remember the CD and Floppy Disk? We don’t wish for those anymore do we?”
The presentation concluded and we soon realized we weren’t really getting anything else this year. Removing things is the new way to upgrade.
As the keynote ended and the lights began to dim, the camera panned to a holographic Steve Jobs in the far corner of the building looking thoroughly displeased.
Ways to gauge if this post is actually real:
- Have you seen this news anywhere but here?
- Does it make sense for Tim Cook to actually leave apple?
- Is the author of this post known for makig elaborate jokes
- Is this post tagged humor?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, this is probably a fake news post designed to make you smile.
About the Author
Pratik Naik is a high end retoucher, photographer, and retouching teacher under his Solstice Retouch brand, he also runs the succesful retouchist blog. You can catch Pratik on social media on his Instagram, tumblr, twitter and facebook. This article was also published here and shared with permission
Is it supposed to be funny?
“Supposed to be,” yes. “Actually,” not really…
You forgot to mention the “Brush by Dre” will be $199.99 DLC.
Well, it make sense for Tim Cook to leave Apple. But, it doesn’t make sense for him to be hired by any other companies.
Damn u, u got me. Hahahahah
Great Joke
I was going for a few minutes there!
If no brush, I cancel my subscription to CC.
Well that wasted my time…
Adam Sternberg Tyler O’Neill
Brush by Dre…They will sell it as a separate module, it will cost twice as much as all the competitors, work half as good as them, and will be mass-pirated and will work better than the original.
I enjoyed it. Especially the bit about dropping the redundant extra C.
Quickly, let’s use it on him!!!
lol
Funny (?) how some people become serious when it comes to their favorite (should I write loved ?) brands… Maybe should they question themselve about that point ? already witnessed the same kind of attitude in other domains where passion is involved: photography (camera brands) cars, motocycles… I always though it is a mess when passion for an hobby is replaced by passion for tools…
lets keep this kind of stuff on the onion or save it for april the 1st mkay.
How many actually bothered to read the article, or did you read the headline and react?
how about a RAW setting that only lets you use one shot in every 36 :-)
I’ve been thinking about dropping DIY from my Feed for quite a while, I don’t want nor do I like fake “funny” news, and no it was not tagged as “Funny” or fake anywhere near the top and don’t flatter yourself Naik, you have no kind of rep with me, fake funny or other.
Thanks for wasting my time.
Another click-bait article like this, and I’m unsubscribing.
You forgot the one blaring way to gauge it as a joke…Steve Jobs in the corner? LOL.
Don’t worry about all the haters – it brought a smile which is never a bad thing. Most of the people threatening to “remove DIY from their feed” (the 21st century’s version of canceling your subscription, but without any meaning or actual loss of revenue) are probably Apple bois who can’t take a joke. Thanks for the chuckle.
Christ, et tu, DIY? Came here from Petapixel trying to get away from this crap.