When a new piece of gear is released, it’s accompanied by a press release. This press release is often filled full of jargon and tech speak. Details that 99% of customers either don’t understand or even really care about. But big numbers and words that are difficult to pronounce look impressive. So, manufacturers include them.
Savvy manufacturers, though, can save a little money on their marketing budget, and the new Random Photo Marketing Generator instead. Created by Roger Cicala and Seb Pearce, you’d swear you were reading the website of one of the well known lens manufacturers. Of course, the text it generates is complete nonsense, but it does sound very good.
Roger writes, that sometimes he simply gets bored with testing. Between boredom, reading product press releases and finding funny things on the Internet, an idea sparks.
All three of these happened the other day, which led to me randomly corresponding with Seb Pearce about my thoughts that today’s photography marketing blurbs were so boring they might as well be generated by a computer. Which, led, of course, to generating random photography marketing blurbs by a computer – basically I collected a bunch of over used adjectives and phrases and Seb designed an engine to string them together fairly randomly.
– Roger Cicala
And thus, the Random Photo Marketing Generator was born.
You don’t usually see “Old-world craftsmanship”, “discerning photographer” and cats in the same paragraph. But there it is, in black & white on the Internet. And while it is fake, it does read very real, until you notice the absurdity of some of the statements.
Designed with the outdoor photographer in mind, our newest lens provides the aberration control needed to take your photography to profitability. We are pleased to offer the world’s finest wide-angle lens, featuring 4 special low dispersion elements, 3 aspheric elements, and our new molecular coatings providing unparalleled reduced aberrations while providing amazing resolution. Experience the silky-smooth action for yourself.
Capable of capturing every scene in its full living color, even when weather is not ideal, its high-quality design and all-metal build quality will make it your go anywhere lens. Designed with the most demanding photography and videography in mind, it provides the optical performance necessary for forum warriors, while delivering the superlative operation you’ve come to expect from our products.
A lens designed for both outdoor photographers and “forum warriors”? I always thought those were mutually exclusive pursuits. Perhaps you simply acquire new lenses in order to be able to sell them at some point.
Now you can possess a single telephoto lens that allows you to seize images that are both dynamic and impressive. Discover the world that you never believed was around you. Offering perspective control while minimizing axial chromatic aberration and distortion, this lens offers the clarity required by today’s high-resolution Snapchat filters. This will make an impressive complement to any eBay seller’s listings providing a most useful lens for everyday and macro photography. Using space-age technology including multiple aspheric elements and the industry’s most accurate autofocus system, this lens can take your professional performance to new achievements.
Or maybe you just need that super fine sharpness for social media.
Now you can possess a single zoom lens that permits you to capture images that are both dynamic and dramatic. This is, indeed, the ultimate metric against which all others will be measured and found inadequate. We’ve achieved this amazing performance at a price that is amazingly profitable. This is a revolutionary breakthrough that will alter your craft and create new opportunities in your imaging world. Offering perspective control while minimizing longitudinal chromatic aberration and distortion, this lens offers the precision required by today’s high-resolution Facebook pages.
The examples above do get a little bit ridiculous. Some of them, though, really do read as if you’re looking at a manufacturer’s website. You could literally copy and paste them over and nobody would really be able to tell.
But, what if you’re not a lens manufacturer? What if you’re a photographer that’s also looking for a computer to generate your marketing content? Well, there’s always Arty Bollocks, the artist statement generator.