How to Handle Customer Complaints with Two Little Words

(Disclaimer: This blog post is a little different for me because it has a bad word in it. Several of them, actually. I used little ***’s instead of actually saying the word, but even so, my friend, Kevin, said it was edgy for me.
I don’t want to be edgy. I don’t want people to read this and say, “Dang, Missy, have you been drinking already?” I mean, of course I have, but that’s not why I wrote it. I just wanted to point out what I see happening around me and I couldn’t do that without the bad word. I could have used “fudge” but that just sounds silly, ‘cause your mind is going to say the right word anyway.
So, if you read it, please don’t think me a potty mouth. Sometimes leading you through the murky waters involves leading you through murky waters with bad words. xoxo)

For sixty years, the business world has considered Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People” one the greatest self-help books ever published. But, thanks to the Internet, dealing with Photography Customer Complaints has now taken a new turn. No longer do you need to handle customer complaints by doing the following tedious steps:

• Identifying the problem
• Understanding and listening to the complaint
• Engaging the client in soothing tones
• Reassuring them that the problem will be dealt with and apologize
• Making it right

Those days are in the past, for thanks to technology and an overabundance of self-importance, you no longer need to do all that. In today’s photography world, be it selling prints, digital files or workshops, the response to anyone who disagrees with you can be summed up in two words:

“F*** You!”

Hooray!
Think about all the time you’ll save.

The F*** You!  method doesn’t want to listen and understand. It could not care less about other’s opinions. It isn’t interested in pleasing customers or maintaining client relationships. No, the F*** You! has no time for any of that nonsense. It goes from zero to F*** You! in appx 1.5 seconds and almost always online where everyone can see it.

It’s what all the cool kids are doing.

Now, I know it seems daunting, and difficult to pull off. I mean, how on earth could anyone act like that on a regular basis? Listen, we are not messing around here–this is the stuff that separates the photographers from the divas, which is why I suggest you repeat the following six sentences to yourself daily.

I call them the “Daily Affirmations for Self-Centeredness”

• I am great at everything I do and so very wonderful
  
• Anyone who questions me is an idiot
  
• I am God’s gift not just to photography, but to the world
  
• I am the most important person on the planet
  
• I will take offense immediately if your opinion is different than mine
  
• If you dare speak that opinion out loud, I’m coming for you
  

The more you quote these daily affirmations, the more you will grow into the wonderful narcissistic artist you were born to be.

And the more you exercise the “F*** You” method, the fewer clients you’ll have, which means you’ll no longer have anything to complain about.

It’s a truly wonderful way to take care of customers’ complaints.
Take THAT, Dale Carnegie.

xoxo

(PS. Once again, I am sorry for the cursing. I wish there was some other way to have written this, but, unfortunately, there wasn’t.)

About the Author

Missy Mwac is a photographer/eater of bacon/drinker of vodka and a guide through the murky waters of professional photography. You can follow her social media links here: Facebook, Tumblr. This article was originally published here and shared with permission.