Hacking Photography - one Picture at a time
Dear Canon and Nikon,
Last November, a spacecraft which had traveled 6.4 billion miles over ten years successfully landed on a comet. A COMET. This means we can now do ANYTHING, which is why I am writing you today with a list of suggestions, nay, improvements that I hope you will consider implementing in future DSLR’s.
None of the suggestions are as daunting as landing on a comet, I assure you. Let’s get the idea machine started!
“Excuse me?
Why, yes, my camera DOES take great pictures. Thank you for noticing that. You have a keen eye and a very good sense about these things-not everyone does. Well done!
But can I share something with you? I mean no disrespect to my camera but…it didn’t used to take great pictures. I mean, not at all.
I bought it because I’d heard how good these nicer cameras were, so I was expecting great things from mine, but when I got home and opened the box, it didn’t do anything. Nothing at all. For what I paid, I expected it to jump out of the box and work with people to get great expressions and select locations and create natural posing and compose images filled with warmth and beauty and light, but nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch. What a loser it was.
It simply refused to do anything. It just lay there, motionless, like me after my 5th margarita.
Dear Groupon Man,
I was surprised when you called this morning. And on my cell phone, no less. I was in the middle of a really hectic morning but I had a few minutes so I decided to take the call.
And before we go any further, I just want to say thank you for being super friendly. I could hear all the other Groupon people in the back on their phones and I have no doubt that my name was but one in a long list of names you had to call today, but still, you were upbeat and nice. And it did not go unnoticed, so thank you. Really.
You said that you were looking to feature a photographer in my area and wanted to offer me that opportunity. Yowzers! I got real excited, like I had won something, and then I remembered this was Groupon and you wanted me to advertise with you. So, I allowed you a little of your spiel because nobody likes to be cut off mid-sentence. And then when you paused, I said, in my sweetest voice:
I’m getting ready to go to Nashville later this month for Imaging USA. I actually just got back from a trip and figure that if I put off unpacking my suitcase long enough, I will already be packed for Nashville. I am nothing if not a problem solver.
Now, I’ve attended my fair share of conventions, so when my friend, Brian, shared a link to an slrlounge.com article entitled, “5 Must Have Items When Attending Photography Workshops,” I got real excited to see if the items in my suitcase made the list.
Not one of them did.
And it shocked me. It was as though the article rubbed it’s socked feet against the carpet and touched my shoulder. Shocked. For the article states the following five items are must haves: a camera, lens, business cards, a notebook and a portable charger.
Please, not even.
Come…take my hand and let me guide you through the murky waters of packing for a photography convention. You can take the aforementioned items, but what you’ll really need are the following:
Lynn Cartia (AKA Missy Mwac) wrote this wonderful list and we are happy to share it with you.
The Expert: This is the photographer so eager to prove that they know all the things, that they jump into almost every thread with their advice. The advice is normally given with all the smoothness of sandpaper. The Expert is the end-all, be-all in his/her opinon and when questioned, will more than likely respond with, “You’re wrong. I’m pretty much always right.”
Lynn Cartia (AKA Missy Mwac) wrote this wonderful list and we are happy to share it with you.
1. The mascara on your “shooting eye” is smeared so much, you look like Ozzy Osbourne.
2. The hand that held the camera is frozen in a claw. You have a Lego person hand.
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