Dear Canon and Nikon, I Have Some Suggestions

May 18, 2015

Missy Mwac

We love it when our readers get in touch with us to share their stories. This article was contributed to DIYP by a member of our community. If you would like to contribute an article, please contact us here.

Dear Canon and Nikon, I Have Some Suggestions

May 18, 2015

Missy Mwac

We love it when our readers get in touch with us to share their stories. This article was contributed to DIYP by a member of our community. If you would like to contribute an article, please contact us here.

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Dear Canon and Nikon,

Last November, a spacecraft which had traveled 6.4 billion miles over ten years successfully landed on a comet. A COMET. This means we can now do ANYTHING, which is why I am writing you today with a list of suggestions, nay, improvements that I hope you will consider implementing in future DSLR’s.

None of the suggestions are as daunting as landing on a comet, I assure you. Let’s get the idea machine started!

Warmed Hand Grips

Let’s face it, shooting while wearing gloves is the pits. Those little dials and buttons with which we change camera settings do not respond well to fingers covered in cloth or leather. You try to change a setting and end up yanking the glove off with your teeth in frustration. Changing a camera setting while wearing gloves is like trying to pick up a dime with mittens on. And those fingerless gloves are about as useful as shorts in a snowstorm. Yeah, your palms are semi-warm while your fingers turn blue. This problem could easily be solved if the hand grip had a warming unit. Hey, if we can warm our car seats and our steering wheels and blankets, then why not our camera?

Built in MP3 player

You’re in the middle of an on-location shoot and your client seems a little uncomfortable.  Wouldn’t it be great to say, “Hey, let’s crank up some tunes on the ol’ DSLR!” For cameras with supported video, you could make a client music video all at the same time.

Facebook App and Video Games

Now, there are times at every wedding reception where things get a little boring. The wedding party is eating; you’ve photographed everything you can and are just standing around waiting for something to happen. It would be super nice if we could look at the display on the back of the camera and scroll through our Facebook newsfeed or play games. To the guests, we would simply be a photographer perusing his/her images, but in reality, we are watching cat videos or trying to get a high score in Candy Crush.

A camera manual that is also a pop-up book.

I don’t think this really needs explaining.

Photographer Proximity Warning System

My DH’s car has a warning sound that comes on when the vehicle is too close to another car. I think you see where I’m going with this. I suggest that DSLR’s come equipped with a system that alerts the photographer to the fact that he/she is in unacceptable proximity to another photographer with a DSLR. For example, if I am shooting in the park and, during my session, another photographer arrives, the Photographer Proximity Warning System would activate, rendering them unable to use the camera until they move away an acceptable distance. (Note: Wedding photographers would be able to deactivate this feature. I mean, they would have to, or they’d never be able to shoot a wedding.)

Positive Reinforcement Sound Effects Shutter

Press the shutter on any DSLR and you hear, well, a shutter sound. It’s not a bad sound, kind of a clicking/whirring effect, but it would be so much nicer if instead of hearing that, you heard Sue Bryce’s voice saying one of the following phrases:

“Good job!”
“You’re amazing”
“Good girl!”
“You’re a stud!”
“These clients are lucky to have you!”
“This camera doesn’t deserve you!”
“You could sell this for 20 million dollars!”

It’s positive feedback for you AND you get to hear Sue Bryce’s voice. It’s pretty much a win-win.

Suggestion Feature

You know when you swipe your credit card at a store and the card reader asks you to confirm the amount, and then asks you to confirm that you want it all on your card, and then asks you to confirm the amount ONE MORE TIME, well, I think cameras should do the same thing. For instance, if a user is photographing a family in front of a very very bright background, the Suggestion Feature would activate and the user would see on the screen:

“Are you sure you want to do this? Press yes to continue.”
“Do you realize these are backlit? Press “yes” to continue.”
“Do you understand you will not be able to see their faces? Press “yes” to continue.”
“So let me get this straight–you are okay with the entire session being shot in silhouette? Press “yes,” to continue.
“I’ve done all I can do. Press “yes” to exit.”

So, there you have it, Canon and Nikon–my 7 suggestions to make a good product a GREAT product. Should you care to buy any of these ideas from me, they may be purchased with several pounds of bacon, a case of Grey Goose, and a yacht.

Thank you.

xoxo

 

About the Author

Missy Mwac is a photographer/eater of bacon/drinker of vodka and a guide through the murky waters of professional photography. You can follow her social media links here: Facebook, Tumblr. This article was originally published here and shared with permission.

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45 responses to “Dear Canon and Nikon, I Have Some Suggestions”

  1. Michal Rosa Avatar
    Michal Rosa

    Dear author, you are a very poor and silly troll.

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      Says the guy who posted a comment, saying they are a poor and silly troll”.

      Obviously, you do not know what a troll is… give you a hint, it has to do with people who post negative comments, against stuff, instead of just moving on.

      1. Michal Rosa Avatar
        Michal Rosa

        You need to change your prescription.

  2. Neizan Avatar
    Neizan

    That would be what I’d call dumbing down a camera.

  3. Peter Starostecki Avatar
    Peter Starostecki

    Stupid. Who is liking this stuff?

    1. Jason Varley Avatar
      Jason Varley

      Tis only a bit of fun.

    2. Cseh József Avatar
      Cseh József

      Who has a sense of humor

    3. Craig Harris Avatar
      Craig Harris

      Agreed, waste of time

    4. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      “Who is liking this stuff?”

      Obviously, someone who has a sense of humor.

      You would to be some kind of stupid to take it seriously… but we won’t tell anyone, if you did.

  4. Kenneth J. Woodard Avatar
    Kenneth J. Woodard

    Waste of a read. Why give this article any credibility DIYPhotography?

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      It’s called humor. Like when they put comics in major newspapers. Gives a lighter, more fun side.

  5. Jake Engel Avatar
    Jake Engel

    She’s not even a photographer.

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      It’s called Humor… like the fact they put comics in newspapers. A light touch, because not everythign needs to be serious.

    2. Kevin Newsome Avatar
      Kevin Newsome

      Really?

    3. Jake Engel Avatar
      Jake Engel

      Give it a Google. Her name is Cheri Frost. She’s a blogger who is married to a photographer Frank Frost.

  6. Thomas Avatar
    Thomas

    The most funniest joke I ever heard for this month…seem you are looking for a handphone with DSLR features not a DSLR. Especially the warning system…sound so dumb and useless.

  7. Angie Dutton Avatar
    Angie Dutton

    Nothing wrong with a little lighthearted humor once in a while. I thought it was funny.

  8. toby_toby Avatar
    toby_toby

    Lots of sour people here with their undies in a bunch.

    PHOTOGRAPHY IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! LEVITY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!

  9. Bev Barry Avatar
    Bev Barry

    Heated hand grips would be awesome in winter! Love it :-D

  10. Jess Avatar
    Jess

    I can’t believe all the angry comments. The author is clearly joking. I thought it was funny and she wasn’t being serious.

  11. Jim Thompson Avatar
    Jim Thompson

    Fischer Price makes jut the camera for her! An iPhone 6 likely would do also! Waste of time!

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      Obviously humor is equally a waste of time for you. Might I suggest some good meds? Could clear up that overwhelming desire to be an …

  12. Erick Redcloud Avatar
    Erick Redcloud

    I can’t believe how many people got their panties all up in bunch over some tongue and cheeek humor. I found it amusing :)

  13. Gary Davenport Avatar
    Gary Davenport

    Honestly, humor has NO place in such a critically acclaimed organization as DIYPhotography. Trying to force your humor on a group of people who clearly have no sense of humor is tantamount to waterboarding. Is Dick Cheney on the board of directors?

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      lol, umm, so, which is it, you suggesting the Board has no sense of humor or the readers?

      Kind of starts out saying the readers but then ends with Dick Cheney comment, which might suggest the Board has no humor…

      BTW, it’s not really a “reply necessary” comment, just something to ponder.

  14. Nelly Z Van Cleeff Avatar
    Nelly Z Van Cleeff

    So stupid. I wouldn’t buy a camera with any of those features. Specially with the talking shutter.

    1. Bileven Troth Avatar
      Bileven Troth

      Serious? Are people so disconnected that they do not get sarcasm nor humor?

  15. Renato Murakami Avatar
    Renato Murakami

    Retro filters and features to purposedly make your photos look old, damaged or plain ugly.
    Oh wait…. :P

  16. Don Lorenz Avatar
    Don Lorenz

    I’m for warm hand grip. Wind chill -30F sucks.

  17. theSUBVERSIVE Avatar
    theSUBVERSIVE

    Either way, Canikon are kind of deaf anyway.

  18. Andrew Ridgway Avatar
    Andrew Ridgway

    This is funny, get over yourselves…..it isn’t like diyP is that credible with all the political poorly sourced rubish it puts out

  19. Tim Stanbrook Avatar
    Tim Stanbrook

    Pretty feeble

  20. Don Romano Avatar
    Don Romano

    april 1st jokes?

  21. Julian Macedo Avatar
    Julian Macedo

    Given how the two majors don’t seem to have any ideas of their own, it’s amusing to poke fun at them…

    For a more serious discussion, how about these suggestions

    – New range of mirrorless cameras to compete with Sony A7 at one end and Fuji X-series at the other. Crucially, sell bundled with a Metabones style adaptor to allow full functionality with legacy lenses. Optically possible? I have no idea, but would be worth exploring. I’d buy one instantly.
    – Throw in decent wifi capability, both to phablets and as a directly addressable drive on the network. Allow RAW downloading to phablets.
    – USB charging option

    Other suggestions welcome!

  22. Craig Marshall Avatar
    Craig Marshall

    DIY photography should know better. Have you guys never watched The Big Bang Theory? Do you not know how many people just like Sheldon own a camra? These people don’t understand jokes, or humor of any kind. Some of them got really really upset by my one deliberate spelling mistake.

    I have a suggestion for you guys that should read something like this.

    “WARNING IF YOU NO HUMOR, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS”
    “reading this article could give a headache, could create unwanted stress, may even make you want to think about the equilibrium of the space-time all over again and give you an even bigger headache.”
    “do you really have a sense of humor, or do you think you have a sense of humor when really you don’t?”
    “DIY photography is not responsible for how upset you get once you realise the following article is joking about photography”

    Thank you for taking the time to read my suggestions DIY photography, I hope in future we could avoid all the harm caused to people with no humor.

  23. Marius Budu Avatar
    Marius Budu

    HA!HA!HA! I’m surprised there was no mention of a collaboration with Flesh Light for a lens replacement for those lonely nights shooting in remote areas :P

  24. Tor Ivan Boine Avatar
    Tor Ivan Boine

    well, I thought the comments were funnier :)

  25. Nicole Phillips Avatar
    Nicole Phillips

    Wow..I didn’t realize so many photogs has zero sense of humour! Tsk tsk…

  26. MikeDF Avatar
    MikeDF

    I am an amateur photography and have a sense of humour, seemingly a rare breed.

  27. Roeland Krul Avatar
    Roeland Krul

    The warmed grip would be the area around the battery, therby also extending the life span of the battery! (Hey, F*ck laws of nature LOL

  28. Tony Smith Avatar
    Tony Smith

    Omar Zahid Mike Barton Matt Rossetti Tim Pope Barry Dunn

  29. Ralph Hightower Avatar
    Ralph Hightower

    I have one other suggestion:
    Include an antigravity force field to relieve the strain of the weight of the camera on the neck, thereby relieving the “Pain in the Neck” syndrome.

  30. Rick Avatar
    Rick

    A camera that automatically responds to “cheeeese” would be nice.

    1. chris Avatar
      chris

      It’s been there for years on Samsung Cameras/phones along with most of the other features.