The Battle We Didn’t Choose – Photographer Documents His Wife’s Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

In the following story Photographer Angelo Merendino shares how he documented his wife’s fight with cancer. Some of the images are not easy to watch.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The first time I saw Jennifer I knew. I knew she was the one. I knew, just like my dad when he sang to his sisters in the winter of 1951 after meeting my mom for the first time, “I found her.”

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

A month later Jen got a job in Manhattan and left Cleveland. I would go to the city – to see my brother, but really wanting to see Jen. At every visit my heart would scream at my brain, “tell her!!” but I couldn’t work up the courage to tell Jen that I couldn’t live without her. My heart finally prevailed and, like a schoolboy, I told Jen “I have a crush on you.” To the relief of my pounding heart, Jen’s beautiful eyes lit up and she said “Me too!”

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Six months later I packed up my belongings and flew to New York with an engagement ring burning a hole in my pocket. That night, at our favorite Italian restaurant, I got down on my knee and asked Jen to marry me. Less than a year later we were married in Central Park, surrounded by our family and friends. Later that night, we danced our first dance as husband and wife, serenaded by my dad and his accordion – ? “I’m in the mood for love…”?

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Five months later Jen was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember the exact moment…Jen’s voice and the numb feeling that enveloped me. That feeling has never left. I’ll also never forget how we looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands. “We are together, we’ll be ok.”

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, “You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.” We loved each other with every bit of our souls.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Throughout our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the difficulties we faced. Jen was in chronic pain from the side effects of nearly 4 years of treatment and medications. At 39 Jen began to use a walker and was exhausted from being constantly aware of every bump and bruise. Hospital stays of 10-plus days were not uncommon. Frequent doctor visits led to battles with insurance companies. Fear, anxiety and worries were constant.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away. Other cancer survivors share this loss. People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to “normal.” However, there is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

My photographs show this daily life. They humanize the face of cancer, on the face of my wife. They show the challenge, difficulty, fear, sadness and loneliness that we faced, that Jennifer faced, as she battled this disease. Most important of all, they show our Love.  These photographs do not define us, but they are us.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

Cancer is in the news daily, and maybe, through these photographs, the next time a cancer patient is asked how he or she is doing, along with listening, the answer will be met with more knowledge, empathy, deeper understanding, sincere caring and heartfelt concern.

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

The Battle We Didn't Choose - Photographer Documents His Girlfriend Fight With Cancer [Strong Graphics]

“Love every morsel of the people in your life.” – Jennifer Merendino

Angelo started The Love You Share, a non-profit organization in Jennifer’s honor which provide financial assistance to cancer patients in need while they are receiving treatment. He shared their story in an eBook called The Battle We Didn’t Choose – my wife’s fight with breast cancer. 50% of the net profits from sales of this book support the organization.

You can read more about Angelo and Jennifer’s story here.

  • http://www.500px.com/Lexpaul Lex Arias

    Raw

  • erreip

    so powerful. I’m very thankful for their courage and willingness to share such a traumatic event.

  • joe_average

    thank you. I know someone close who also went through this, but didn’t want to be seen in this way. so I guess I never really knew the struggle that she was going through. again, thank you, for helping us to understand some of the emotional intensity of this illness, and, capturing and sharing your very personal experience.

  • J

    I had trouble reading all the way, my eyes filled with tears…
    On another note, I find it very inappropriate to see an ad for bigger breasts right under this great article… Petapixel should not allow for random ads.

    • J

      I’m sorry, those articles are often repeated on Petapixel and the other way around. I meant DIYPhoto, of course.

    • http://www.diyphotography.net/ udi tirosh

      Heya J,
      Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
      totally agree on the ad. I guess adsese see the word breast in the text and displays that ad. Let me see if I can tweak adsense to remove those.

      (Michael from petapixel has way more hair that I do :) you can’t possibly confuse us).

  • http://www.blurmediaphotography.com/ JP Danko

    Beautiful and horrible at the same time – a powerful read to say the least.